This is why, her
by angellus08
Summary: "I will do anything I have to for-for," For You, Oliver searched for the words to explain, to make her understand, until he settled for "For people that are not Isabel Rochev." A small addition to the awesome last scene between Oliver and Felicity in the latest episode.


_A/N -Ok so I've been overcome with Olicity feels last two weeks, and this episode just exploded something in me, and I had to write something. This is sort of an added part to their last scene from yesterday's episode. _

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"He had you; he was going to hurt you. There was no choice to make."

Her soft, warm hands slipped from his as he started to walk away, and that's when he realized the truth of his own words. He hadn't chosen to be a killer again, he had no choice. The choice was made for him the moment The Count touched Felicity. But the guilt wouldn't go away, not so easily, a choice or not, he had killed again. And his good old companion guilt would weigh him down as it had for a long, _long_ time now. It ate him up from the inside, had been for 6 years now, making him pause before every step, halt at every decision. And he didn't want her to feel guilt for his killing again. He wanted none of his burdens to pull her back, none of the inevitable setbacks of being close to him to ever touch her.

Before he knew it, he was turning on his heel, causing her to raise her brows and widen her eyes at him, waiting from him to speak. Taking a deep, unnecessary breath, he spoke softly as if afraid of disturbing some imaginary serenity, "This is why."

Her brows furrowed as a small confused smile crept up on her lips, her feet unconsciously moving her towards him, as she quipped, "What?"

"You asked me, '_why her'_?" He said, his tone low and deep, "This is why." As if to emphasize his point, he bumped his closed fist into the palm of his other hand as he took two steps towards her, watching as she flustered for a second and pushed her specks up the bridge of her nose. "I will do _things_," Oliver continued, "Things that might make me hate myself for it later, but I will do _anything_ I have to for-for," _For_ _You_, he searched for the words to explain, to make her understand, until he settled for "For people that are _not_ Isabel Rochev. And my enemies, men like Count will know that. And they will use that. They will use my weaknesses to force my hand."

Felicity sighed, closing her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest, hugging herself closely as she let his words wash over her.

"That is why... _her_." She looked up at him as he said the words, the pain, the _guilt_ in his eyes clear as he took a deep breath and started to walk away, again.

"I-I get that." She burst out suddenly, watching as he halted in place, sighed audibly and hanging his head low as he turned around and looked at her apprehensively. Fiddling with her glasses and attempting to plaster an understanding smile on her face, she continued, "I get that you would put people you care for in danger, I really do get that. It's very admirable, and noble and kind of _really_ sad in a way, like Nicholas Sparks sad _sad_. Bu-but, but the point is," She mumbled on, watching as Oliver shuffled on his feet as he did when he was nervous, and yet patiently waited for her to finish her rambling, "For how long Oliver? For how long are you going to...," _Make me wait_, "Stop yourself." She concluded.

His beady, blue eyes appraised her as he searched within himself for an answer to her question, her very legitimate question. He already knew the answer, it wasn't one he liked, it was one he despised, but it was one he had to live with.

Firmly, and with every bit of conviction he could muster, he said, "Until it's safe." And then, he turned and walked away, before either of them could stop him. But he knew what she was thinking; for he was thinking the exact same thing.

When would that day come? A day where he didn't have to look over his shoulders, a day where he didn't have to block every emotion within him, a day where he didn't have to dodge bullets and save the city. When would that safe day come? Would it ever come?

Probably _never_.

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_A/N - My first time writing Olicity, please go easy on me! _


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